Male Pattern Gaming Episode 2

These podcasts may seem like they’re rolling out fast, but don’t be fooled. These were just the initial tests. The plan is to drop one every month or so.

Male Pattern Gaming Episode 2

Listen to us discuss Fallout New Vegas, Red Dead Redemption, and Mr. B’s chest hair envy.

Male Pattern Gaming Episode 1

Holy Crap! Our Podcast finally dropped last night. After months of sitting on our asses, Mr. B, Chad, and I got together and recorded the first episode of Male Pattern Gaming. Well... that was back in January. Why it’s taken Mr. B so long to release it to the world, I don’t know… Lazy Bastard!

MALE PATTERN GAMING EPISODE 01

Here you can listen to a bunch of 30 year old losers geekin’ it up and whining about how they don’t have enough time to play games. We gave our 2010 GOTY picks, brought the Bargain Bin Dip Challenge to a close, and issued a brand new challenge. Giver a listen.

Happy New Year and... I'm Sorry!

I've neglected you, my non-existent readers, for far too long. For that, I apologize. All I can say is that life got in the way. I know what you're thinking. There's no way I was 'Too Busy' for over 6 months. Well... you're right! It may sound lame, but I had a home improvement issue back in June, and it somehow caused the initial hiatus. Real life stress seemed to command my attention over blogging about video games. Crazy Talk I know, but you'll have to get over it. As time passed, it became harder and harder to write another post. Somehow My Bloody Sandbox found its way to my pile of shame right next to exercising, flossing, and Resident Evil 5.

It's a new year, so what better time is there to make some serious life changes? Fuck Exercising and Fuck Flossing! Long Live My Blood Sandbox!

Shatter Post Mortem

I know this is old news, but Shatter is awesome. Carcus was proven wrong once again, and I’m ashamed to admit that I completely disregarded this one as a generic brick-breaker. Even though the critics loved it, I remained skeptical, “How could a reskined ‘Breakout’ port possibly interest me in 2010?”

Shatter is a complete reimagining of the genre. Its innovated control system allows you to manipulate your surroundings, so you’ll never be waiting to hit that last brick. If you have trouble taking it out, it’s because you suck. No sense blaming the game. You’ll need strategy as well as technique, so it forces you to get better as you progress. The result is an engaging and ultimately satisfying experience.

The only thing I wasn’t crazy about was the soundtrack. This is in complete contradiction to every review you’ll read about this game. Module’s score may be as popular as the game itself, but it isn’t my thing. In fact, my wife repeatedly commented on how awful it was.

Bottom line, Shatter is worth its weight in gold. It’s anything buy a generic brick-breaker. Pick it up nows!

No Haters Please

Mr. B warned me that if I didn’t take the time to explain my platform stance, there’d be haters all over my ass. Sure enough, Mr. Danny Power Glover created his own blog in retaliation to my recent comments on the XBOX E3 press conference. Its http://smellthepowerglove.com/ if you’d like to read the slander for yourself. Since I was a little harsh on the Microsoft crew for dedicating two thirds of their show to casual games, he labeled me a Sony fanboy and implied that I lack objectivity in my video game commentary. I will admit that I’m a fan of many things Sony has to offer, but that doesn’t mean I’ll blindly buy into everything they’re selling, and it certainly doesn’t mean I’ll trash everything Microsoft either.

To be honest, I find this whole XBOX versus Playstation fanboy bullshit ridiculously tired and an outright waste of time. It’s downright laughable when you realize both consoles offer the exact same gaming experience 80 percent of the time, and the remaining 20 percent doesn’t justify a dual console household in my opinion. If someone asked me which console to buy, I’d say buy whatever most of your friends have. It’s as simple as that. Buy in and enjoy!

Please allow me to clarify my console choice. Over the past 13 years, I purchased four video game systems: The Playstation, Playstation 2, Playstation Portable, and Playstation 3. That might make me look like a fanboy, but I assure it’s more a matter of familiarity. The Playstation line has been good to me over the years, so why deviate? This is not to say there is anything wrong with the 360. I’m just more comfortable with the PS3. That’s it!

Despite what Mr. Glover has to say, I don’t subscribe to the ‘mine is better than yours’ mentality. I will compliment and criticize as I see fit. I hate Forza and Gran Turismo equally, and I’d love to get my hands on a Mass Effect port. I prefer my analog sticks convex, but I could care less about 3D games. I think the Kinect has potential, but the Move looks more promising simple because it has core game implementation.

Go ahead and hate all you want, but please remember… If opinions are like assholes, than this blog is my toilet paper, and if you can’t handle that, get your own BLOODY SANDBOX!

My perfect E3 2010 Results

E3 ended over a week ago, and since the dust has finally settled, I thought it would be a good time to revisit My Perfect E3 2010 post. Lets see if this year’s E3 measured up to my expectations.

1) The Move: Sony will announce at least one motion control game that makes my pants tight. In other words, they will give me a reason to buy the damn things. Also, pricing will be announced, and it will be affordable.

Please don’t laugh when I say this, but the two Move games I’m most excited about are Heavy Rain and Dead Space Extraction. SOCOM4 and Killzone 3 might be sellers as well, but I’m pretty sure I’m gonna give The Move a go. Fingers Crossed! Pricing-wise, its not exactly affordable, so I’m going to give this one half points.

2) Valve: Those crybabies at Valve will say something remotely positive about the PS3. Comments about its user base don’t count.

Talk about nail on the friggin head. Gabe said the PS3 was ‘the most open console.’ Did they have a knife to his back? It made it seem like his previous PS3 bashing was just a setup for this E3 appearance. In any case, Steam for the PS3 is huge… but where’s my Left 4 Dead?

3) Zombies: I love zombies, and I love the PS3. E3 will show me a PS3 zombie game that’s worth buying. Whether it’s Dead Rising 2, a Left 4 Dead port, or something completely new, I want to have fun killing zombies before 2010 is over.

No new zombie game or Left 4 Dead announcements, and I’m not completely sold on Dead Rising 2 yet, but all hope is not yet lost. A little game that I almost forgot about reared its bloody head. Dead Nation is looking pretty nice I have to say. Here’s to future zombie killing on the PS3.

3) Big Non-Japanese PSP game: Will Sony show off a non-Japanese PSP game that proves to be a big deal? In my perfect world they will! Uncharted PSP anyone?

Uncharted PSP didn’t happen, but I somehow forgot about another non-Japanese PSP game when I wrote this. Newsflash: Anything with God of War in the title is indeed a ‘big deal.’ Stupid Carcus!

5) PSP2: A lot of insiders have been talking about the PSP2 lately, so I’d be surprised if it’s not announced, but at my E3, the PSP2 will not only have advanced graphics it will also be a phone.

Sadly, no PSP2. I guess Sony didn’t want their consumers to get hardware fatigue and decided to focus on 3D and The Move instead. Its understandable, but they’re gonna need a hardware upgrade pretty soon to compete with Apple products.

6) PSN Premium Service: Very simple here. Sony will make this worthwhile. Lots of firm commitments and very few ambiguities.

Done and Done! Surprisingly, Sony laid out all the details. Nothing wishy washy about it. Essentially, we get game trials, early demos and betas, automatic downloads, Playstaion Store discounts, and new free games and goodies every month. I personal love surprises, so I can’t wait to see what they come up with month to month.

7) Teasers: There will be teasers for 2 brand new games and at least 2 of the following games: Agent, Uncharted 3, Syphon Filter, Twisted Metal, or GTA V (god help me.)

My apologies, this one was a little vague. I should’ve said 2 brand new games that interest me. Lets see… I can’t think of any teasers for brand new games. It seemed like everything was announced pre-E3, and the only game even mentioned on this list, Twisted Metal, whipped out a full live stage demo. No points here.

8) Gameplay Trailers: We will see gameplay trailers for 5 of the following: Infamous 2, Resistance 3, Crysis 2, Castlevania: Lords of Shadows, MGS: Rising, new GOW PSP, Resident Evil PSP, or Last Guardian.

We got awesome new gameplay trailers for Infamous 2, Crysis 2, Castlevania: LOS, MGS: Rising and a teaser for the new GOW PSP. I guess that’s close enough.

9) Live On Stage Demos: How about this? Littlebigplanet 2, SOCOM 4, and Killzone 3. Safe I know.

The Sony press conference had live on-stage demos of LBP 2 and KZ3 and a playable demo of SOCOM 4 on the show floor. That deserves a point in my eyes.

10) 3D: Sony will finally admit that 3D is a bad idea and will devote their time and resources into something people actually care about.

Nope!

11) Something Old: PSN will start offering PS2 titles for download. There will be several Blu-ray HD rerelease collections confirmed.

I’m sorry to say there won’t be any PS2 titles available on PSN just yet, and the Sly Cooper Collection doesn’t count as ‘several Blu-ray HD rerelease collections.’ Where the f@$k is ICO! No point.

12) Something Borrowed: Sony fans will get something that belonged to Microsoft. Whether its Bungie’s new game or (Please God!) Mass Effect, it will be a great feeling.

Nothing! No Mass Effect, no Left 4 Dead, and no Bungie game. Nothing!

13) Something Big: I want to crap my pants in excitement at least once. Is that too much to ask?

There were a few things that got my turtlehead a’pokin. Games like Dead Space 2, Killzone 3, Crysis 2, and Rage blew my mind, but what made my shorts really heavy was the Portal 2 announcement. You may think ‘Portal 2, what’s so big about that?’ Well its not so much the game itself, but the doors it will open. With PS3 Steam Works support, Valve may not only release all their future games for the platform, but also their existing titles as well. Wink Wink!

So how did E3 2010 measure up? If you weren’t counting, E3 2010 got 7.5 out of 13. That’s 58%. My general impression would’ve been a lot higher than that, but numbers don’t lie.

Mystery Bin Dip Challenge

Ahhh…. The video game bargain bin. Home of the misfit games no longer worthy of shelf space. Are they yesterday’s favourites or today’s garbage? Hidden gems or stinky dog turds? Underrated rarities or lessons in agonizing torture? No matter how you look at it, bargain bins are a point of interest for every frugal gamer scrounging for a deal, but what happens when you throw caution to the wind and do the old bargain bin dip BLIND? That’s exactly what Mr. B and I decided to find out when we came up with this challenge. This has the potential to be a rather unpleasant experience, but I guess that’s what makes it a challenge.

A couple days ago, Mr. B and I, trotted our arses over to the local video game store. We were a little nervous but generally optimistic. The plan was for each of us to pick a game out of the bargain bin without looking, flip a coin, and then both buy a copy of the winning title. That way we’d both experience the potential bliss and/or suffering said game would provide. Before doing so, we had to first lay down some ground rules: It had to be under $20, it couldn’t be a game either of us had already played, and it couldn’t be a sports game (no one wants to play NHL 07.)

After we opened the door, we spotted the bin and dove right in. Mr. B picked Lego Indiana Jones: The Original Adventures, and I pulled out The Godfather II. Now for the coin toss:

Vs

And the winner is….

I have to admit that I was a little relieved but still not exactly excited about the victor. As I recall, it received mixed but mostly mediocre reviews upon its release. Apart from the rumor that it had a copious amount of topless women, it didn’t make much of an impression on me, but this is a challenge after all.

Mr. B and I have since recruited two others to join in on the challenge and are planning on blogging about our individual experiences. This will also be a topic of discussion on our very first My Bloody Sandbox Podcast, so be sure to check back for updates.

I’d also like to encourage anyone else who’d like to take part to do so. Comment on the blog or send me an email with your impressions of the game. mybloodysandbox@gmail.com Think of it as Oprah’s book club but for video game nerds.

Good Luck!